Comment: Are you in an unhealthy relationship and can’t pinpoint why? Or are you looking to find a lifelong partner? This article includes some interesting insight and helpful tips to ‘finding lasting love.’

Research: One of the most destructive ideas of love is the thought that, “You complete me.” It may make a good line for a romantic movie but the idea makes for an unstable relationship.

When someone looks for a partner to fill in the missing pieces in themselves, they are most likely setting themselves up for an emotional disaster. Being needy erodes one’s self-respect. We would all like someone else to do the hard work necessary for us to grow up, but growing up requires effort and being a grownup is required for finding ‘grownup’ love.

For a relationship to work over the long term, the partnership must be between two mature, complete adults who complement each other; who admire each other’s strengths and who respect themselves and each other. Don’t keep looking for the romance promised in movies.

Self-ishness means loving yourself enough to do the work as a complete adult. This means their self-esteem is high, they function well in the social world, they manage their responisibilities, and they are sufficiently emotionally stable to be a loving and generous partner.

The basis of a healthy relationship is equality and respect. Therefore the reason why ‘self-ishness’ is the key to finding lasting love.

Read the original article at http://psychcentral.com/lib/2013/self-ishness-the-key-to-finding-lasting-love/